Because my life is anything but normal....

Nov 30, 2010

I'm awake, I swear I'm awake.... *snores*

  Thanksgiving was lovely. If you discount the fact that I was too exhausted to walk after everyone left, it was good.

 If you discount the fact that my dear mother tried to kill me, it was awesome. 
I mean it. She tried to kill me. I'm still trying to figure out what kind of person loads the dishwasher with EVERY sharp object pointing up. There I was, loading the dishwasher, not thinking about it too much because I was tired.... and then.... she STABBED me. Not literally of course, because she had already gone home, but I know she meant to do it. I was putting a spoon in the silverware part when got stabbed in the meaty part of my palm (below my thumb). It probably wouldn't have been so bad if the blade of the steak knife hadn't gone under my thumb ring and stabbed me, but because it did I couldn't get the sucker out from under the ring without cutting myself more. That's right around the time that I looked down and realized that I could have died.

 I'm sure you think I'm exaggerating, but imagine how you would feel when you looked down and realized that there were 12 knives sticking blade up in your dishwasher, and every single one seemed placed for maximum damage. All I had to do was trip and I'd have had a blade through most of my organs. Thanks mom. Happy Thanksgiving to you too. >.>

 Hope everyone else had a great Thanksgiving. <3 

Nov 23, 2010

Is it really time for Thanksgiving? O_o

  Evidently, the week has just flown by me. Tomorrow my little-big brother will be here to start helping with the cooking. YES. I can cook. Of course my mother is making the pies and other deserts. But only because everything I've ever tried to bake has gone into the oven beautifully, and come out looking like a charred turd. I blame my oven. It couldn't possibly be me. My cooking is way too good for my baking to be so very terrible. Evidently, I didn't inherit the skill from my mother. I'm not sure I inherited anything from my mother other than a really twisted sense of humor (THANKS MOM! Its all your fault I get funny looks at the grocery store!).

I'm not sure if I'm ready for all this cooking. I'm not sure I have enough booze for Thanksgiving. I'm not sure my family has enough booze to deal with me either xD

Nov 20, 2010

Weekend! Yay!

  So.... its the weekend. Finally. 
I love my weekends. I literally do nothing. I sit like a lump and complain if anyone asks me to do anything that even remotely sounds like work or chores. And I usually pity the fool that asks for a weekend ANYTHING, because if you're ruining my Saturday, I'm not being polite about your opinions on what colored furniture you should have in your basement.

I finally finished my order for Shutterfly at 5am. I decided to buy photobooks for a few people and order my Christmas cards. I got some prints too, but at 5am, I can't be very sure that I ordered anything more than the same print over and over. Oh well. I'll share my 2 favorite pictures of my children. One is because they're insane, and the other is evidence that I'm not the one abusing them :/

  And of course, I included these pictures on my Christmas cards. I'm not one to claim my children are anything other than the mean, hateful, abusive kids that they are. A very good example is what my son and daughter did this morning. I woke up at 10 am to Jacob beating Morgan with a PS3 controller, and of course Morgan has to get even, so 10 minutes later she junk punched him when he walked out of his bedroom. Gotta love them kids xD

At least I have my Saturday. Tomorrow I'm obligated to actually do things. I have to do shopping for Thanksgiving dinner. I've been putting it off, but I've decided to finally do it. Don't get me wrong, I'd tell my family they're having Ramen for Thanksgiving and they'd probably just shut up and like it. I just don't like Ramen.

I'm thinking that its a Subway night. I don't like cook on Saturday, so we usually eat whatever leftovers we can find or we order something or I toss something in a pot and pretend like its a meal. Subway sounds good. I'm a little upset that they don't have the $5 foot longs around here anymore (Go team Chuck? xD). But I like Subway, and thus we shall have it. Because I said so.

Nov 17, 2010

A new day, a new layout

   Finally finished the layout. Its nothing fancy, but it suits me. Not quite sure why I decided on a Bleach theme, but I like it. Hopefully it is easy to navigate and read. I'll be getting the rest of the pages up soon. If anyone reads this and has a tip, leave a comment so I can make my layout more friendly.

   Today was a blah day. I woke up late, so we had to rush, and then I spilled coffee all over myself. Although, the highlight of the morning was when I stood on my porch in my coffee covered pajamas and screeched at the bus driver. 

   I hate my kids' bus driver. There has never been a meaner, more nit picking bus driver on the planet. Now, I realize that my kids are far from perfect, but if you're going to try to kick one of my kids off the bus for looking behind them, you probably deserve to be screeched at. 

   My son, Jacob sits in the back of the bus. He brought me home a letter yesterday saying that his behavior was up for review and he may get kicked off the bus. The list of offenses included: "Looking over shoulder when asked to stop repeatedly", and "Getting an attitude and being disrespectful when written up". To be fair, I made sure of the facts before I got angry (I called the bus aid). Jacob was on his butt in his seat, and he wasn't actually causing any trouble. Who are you to govern where my child looks. lady? And what harm comes to a child looking out the rear bus window? Once I was sufficiently upset, I sat down and had a talk with my son. I asked him to give his bus driver a message for me.... mostly my son just said "I can't say that mom!", but after the offer of pizza as a reward, he agreed to tell his bus driver my message. 

   Call me a bad parent if you'd like, but I took great satisfaction in seeing the look on the bus driver's face when my son stood at the curb and told her very loudly "My mom says she's going to kick your ass if you don't stop being mean to me and my sister for no reason!" The woman looked like she peed all over herself. Then she had the nerve to start yelling at me about how he was never permitted to ride the bus again because "cursing on the bus" is against the rules..... 
This is the part where I ended up screeching on my porch in my pajamas. My son had not been on the bus when he cursed. He was actually in my front yard, so the rule doesn't really apply. Take that, you mean bus driver! 

   AND I get pizza for supper! xD 

   Normally, I wouldn't react this way, but my kids have had the same bus driver since they started school (Jacob is 10, and my daughter Morgan is 8) and this lady has always had a problem with my kids. I remember incidents last year where she would take things away from my daughter and refuse to give them back. Once thing that sticks out in my mind was a rock. My daughter is a dedicated artist and she loves making things. This particular rock was one of several that she has on her dresser. She searched high and low for the smoothest, roundest rocks, and then she painted them to look like lady bugs. She was taking one in to school for show-and-tell that day, and the bus driver decided that she must have "stolen" it. Even though my daughter's name is on the bottom of this rock, the bus driver confiscates it and writes my daughter up for stealing someone else's property. I'm very sure there are tons of kids that paint lady bugs on rocks by the name of Morgan that ride that bus, right? <insert eye roll> I just don't have the patience to deal with people like that.

   Welcome to my life.

Nov 16, 2010


Waiting for my kids to get off the bus, decided to write a little. 

Its raining. Normally I love the rain. I love the wet, earthy smell. Today, not so much. Its cold. I hate the cold. I don't want to leave my house if its cold.... Hell, I don't want to get out of bed when its cold. People think that I'm weird because I hate the cold so very much because I was born on Christmas eve. Like the day I was born is somehow supposed to make me like freezing weather better. It sure didn't make me like Christmas any better, but that's probably to be expected when you're 5 years old and everyone tells you your present is "for your birthday AND for Christmas". Cheapskates. I'm sure being a "Grinch" is expected of someone in my position. If not, then I'm starting a trend. And someday, the Grinches of the world will unite to take over the entire universe! DUN DUN DUNNNNNN! 

 But I've wasted enough time for now. I have grand plans to finish the look of my blog today. I'm sure it won't turn out TOO bad. Photoshop, here I come!

Nov 15, 2010

Day One

 So, I'm writing a blog. I'm not sure if I even care if people read this or not, I just think it will be nice to keep some sort of record of life around here. I'm not quite finished with the design, so please don't take this as the final product, its just what looks pretty for now. I need to find a Kris-ish background that makes it easier to read.
If you're reading this.... there is no turning back. 
Like s'rsly, yo.

One of the things you'll discover is that not only am I twisted, but those around me have twisted me. I swear I was normal once, but since meeting my husband, I've somehow turned into a degenerate, perverted shell of the bucket of sunshine that I used to be. 

So. Onward to the blogging. 

As I danced around my living room today (pretending to dust), several thoughts occurred to me. Thought number one was I am a hell of a dancer. Thought number two was along the lines of "where did the dog come from?". Shortly after my second thought, I was on the floor. 
To explain, I'm the proud mother of a female Boxer. Her name is Rukia. She also happens to be the neediest, clingiest dog known to man. If you need to use the bathroom, she will literally whine until you come back. I can't get out of bed without stepping on the poor dog. Anyway, I stepped on the dog..... I know. I'm terrible... But I can't take all the blame. What kind of dog stands under someone that is dancing around like a drunken stripper?
 As I lay sprawled out on the floor, cursing, I realize that my "accident" has been witnessed. My new mailman was evidently in the process of searching for my mailbox to cram my mail into when I fell, and he had a perfect view of what happened.... It was officially the first time I've ever seen a mailman laugh. Stupid dog.

To add to my day, my mailman brought me goodies. I love my mail. I get great stuff in my mail. Like, awesome stuff. Today, Todd's cell phone case finally came. Todd would be my spouse. Because I'm such a nice wife, I ordered a fitted cell phone case for his Omnia 2 in a really pretty blue color.... his favorite color. Imagine my surprise when he broke it within five minutes of having it in his possession. Go figure. 

I suppose that's it for now because I have to load the dishwasher and do the other menial housework that everyone hates to do. I'm sure I'll have more to say later or another day.