Bounce it Off Millions

  Have you ever had one of those mind-blowing decisions that you just can't seem to make on your own? Are you trying to decide between white or black socks? Bounce fans can help you! This is your opportunity to Bounce it Off Millions!

  If you head over to the Bounce Facebook page, you can click on the Bounce if Off Millions tab and submit your question! Your questions will be turned into a poll and other Bounce fans will vote on it to help you make your choice. Its really great because you can use the poll to help you decide. Or as an excuse.... Like my question. "Should my husband have blue hair?"

My husband: "But honey, I don't think my hair should be neon blue!"

Me: "PSH! In a poll, 71% agreed with this decision. Now you HAVE to have blue hair!"

  I'm still fighting him over the blue hair. He doesn't understand that the decision has already been made and I WILL win.

  Not only that, to celebrate Bounce it Off Millions, four lucky users will be chose to win a grand prize: A chance to turn their big question into a Facebook-wide advertisement! If you win, over 150 million Facebook users can help you decide between your two options.

But that's not all!
If you head on over right now, fans can also enter a sweepstake for the chance to win two Bounce Dryer Bars (which are so awesome!). If you win, you get one to keep and one for a friend. They're picking 5, 000 winners but the contest ends September 19th, so go-go-GO! Bounce it Off Millions

**Disclaimer:
I do not receive any monetary compensation and all opinions in this blog are mine and mine alone.

Are your children scary?

My children are scary. My daughter is 8 (almost 9) and she acts like a teenage girl. My son is 11 and he acts like a teenage girl....
In the past, I've always tried to be rational and responsible when dealing with my children's outbursts.

For example:
"But, Mom! Everyone else is wearing make-up in 2nd grade! Why can't I??!!"
Because this is not "tramp training camp".
I don't say that, but I'm thinking it. Instead I take a deep breath and say "What other parents let their kids do is their business. You're my business, honey. Girls that are wearing make-up at 8 years old are trying to look and act older than they are. You're 8, Morgan. Try to be 8! You'll be older soon enough and you'll have the whole rest of your life to wear make-up."

"I hate you! You're the worst mom EVER!"
What I really want is to stick my tongue out and say "I hate you too, stupid head!".
Instead, I calmly say "You can hate me if you want, and I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I love you."

With my other child it's not much different:
"I don't want to put my laundry away! This isn't fair! You make me do everything!"
[inner voice] You do nothing. You don't even pick up after yourself. You play video games, leave butt-prints in my couch, and make my life miserable every chance you get....
 "Son, I'll gladly put your laundry away if you'd like to go to work for me, wash and fold the towels, sweep and mop, load the dishwasher, take the dog for a walk, dust, and cook supper. No? That's what I have to do today, so I don't think its much to ask for you to put your own clothes away after I kindly washed and folded them for you."

My children are the ones that make other people decide against reproducing. My kids make me understand why some animals eat their young. I'm torn between telling them the bald-faced truth, and being a mature, caring adult. Occasionally, I can diffuse a situation with humor, but more often than not they make my head explode. I've been known to use sarcasm.... heavily. I've been known to yell back. But, I always try to be mature when my kids act like spoiled brats. The fact that they act like spoiled brats kind of shocks me to begin with. They don't get everything that they want. I've tried to instill values in them. I've taught them right from wrong. AND I've always been a super-cool punk-rock mom!

How would they feel if I threw a fit because I couldn't have what I wanted. What if I refused to do anything? What if I hated them and slammed doors? What if I went out in public in a ripped and stained red shirt with yellow plaid shorts without brushing my hair or teeth?

Last week, I had enough of the door slams. When my son slammed the door, I proceeded to tell him he was doing it wrong. I then demonstrated the proper way to slam a door and made him do it the "right way" for nearly a half hour. I won and there hasn't been a door slammed since. Yesterday, my daughter started screaming and flipping out because she couldn't find her favorite shirt. I yelled gibberish and flailed my arms around. When she finally stopped her tirade and looked at me in shock, I calmly said "Now you know how ridiculous you look screaming like that."

Obviously I have to be just as obnoxious as they are to get my point across. I guess when I say what that sarcastic little voice inside my head WANTS to say, they get the point much better than when I try to be calm and understanding. To think that these are just the 'tween years. As teens, I'm probably going to have to resort to psychological warfare. I'm going to have to shave eyebrows and draw mustaches while they sleep. I'm going to have to drive them to school in pajamas with feet. I'm going to have to saran-wrap the toilet. I can't wait.

Do you have the same problems? How do you deal with your 'tweens?

The internet

   I truly feel like the internet is a wonderful place. Its a constant learning experience. I've been everywhere on the internet. Company/Brand websites, social networking, forums, download sites, upload sites, blogs, the list just goes on. You name it and I've been there. From the faces of Facebook, to the depths of FatWallet, even to the farthest reaches of GaiaOnline. I love the internet. I love to hate the internet. 

There are ups, there are downs.... all in all its like a neurotic high school "I love you, I hate you" roller-coaster relationship for me.

  There are things I've learned from the internet that I would like to share. Those of you that know the internet as I do may shake their heads. You may laugh. Those who don't should take (most) of these words to heart. You may agree or disagree, but this is my internet experience over the years.


1. Google knows everything. EVERYTHING. If you need to know something, ask Google. (Warning: if Google does not know, this may be the end of the world as we know it, government censorship, or some other conspiracy!)

2. Everyone on the internet is completely prepared for (and even anticipating) a Zombie Apocalypse. They even sell "self defense" tables that break down into a club and shield to defend yourself if you are surprised by an attack. In case of a Zombie Apocalypse, proceed to the nearest PC for survival advice and always remember to remove the head.

3. The internet is a little like school. Except that you don't have to be in the same grade, school, state, age group, race, sex, or country to have someone threaten to come to your house to beat you up because you disagreed with them. 12 year olds, 30 year olds, even 72 year olds are magically transformed into 6'5"- 300 pound professional street fighters by the internet. I've seen people get seriously mad and carry on in real life over an internet fight with a total stranger. Sometimes fighting on the internet is like trying to grab the last pink Zhu Zhu off the shelf when you're surrounded by other moms packed in an aisle in Toys-R-Us at the Black Friday sales. Someone is going to win, there's just going to be a lot of hair pulling and yelling first.

4. The internet has the best T-shirts, and the best demotivational posters.

5. People of all ages go to the internet to unlearn most (if not all) proper english and punctuation. Dropped vowels, intentional misspellings (and not-so-intentional), CAPSLOCK screaming, run on sentences and abbreviations are the language of the internet. Learning "chatspeak" and "leet" is like visiting a foreign country and trying to learn the language by repeating what you hear. If Google didn't know everything, there would be a serious financial gain to "internet speak" lessons.

6. There are tons of witty comments and comebacks everywhere on the web. You find witty responses in some unexpected places. Some are great, some are not so good. My research suggests that "your mom" is still one of the most popular comebacks of choice. 

Ironically, even moms are using it.

7. There are many links on the internet. Some of them go to relevant sites, some of them take you to horrible, sick, scary places that are best not spoken of even in the worst of all nightmares. It is always best to check where a link goes before you click on it. You wouldn't want a virus, or some random man/lady parts popping up. Trust me. It happens. A LOT.

8. Animals are incredible. People's pets are making Facebook accounts and playing Mafia Wars. Cats have their own websites and YouTube channels. Birds have their own online comic. All my dog does is lay around. My fish kinda just float in their tank. I've realized I must have raised my pets to be lazy and unproductive. I'm a terrible pet-parent.

9. Not everyone is as technologically advanced as others. Occasionally, explaining to the "technologically disabled" how to do something as simple as clearing your cache turns into a 3 hour conversation that leaves you beating your head off your desk. Instead of explaining, you should refer them to Google as Google knows everything.

10. Social networking is AMAZING! I have friends that update and post pictures when they go just about anywhere. To New York. To the hospital. To the bathroom. To the pool. To the zoo. To get sloppy drunk. Its great to be able to keep up with everyone and hear all about every aspect of their lives. I also learned that social networking sites probably have privacy settings for REALLY good reasons.

11. Online gaming and MMORPGS are huge. If you're not on Farmville, and you're not playing WoW, you don't understand the sheer importance of PC gaming. You probably don't know how very incredibly rare that neon red pig with the pink, blue, and orange spotted stripes is. You have no idea how important someone's level 200 Arcane Mage is. You have no idea how significant it is that they can teleport to Tol Barad, warp the flow of time, and transform an enemy into an animal. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. These people are very passionate about their gaming, which is great on the internet. Beware the person that randomly launches into a 3 hour conversation about their farm in person. Note: When someone starts talking about their new pole dancing job, you may want to ask to which game they are referring to. You don't want to launch into a lecture about strippers when your sister is talking about Second Life.

12. Funnier things happen on the internet than in your life. Things you never thought could happen to anyone in a million years is on YouTube. For the record though, its not polite to laugh at the poor boy up the street that rode his bike into a parked car. Its not nice to laugh at the crazy cat lady that has 38 cats crammed in the back of her tiny Geo Metro in the parking spot next to yours (complete with litter box). Unless you see it on YouTube. Then it is appropriate to not only laugh, but to also share it with all your Facebook friends.

  These are the things I have learned from the internet. I'm sure there's more I've learned. Just as I'm sure I'll learn a whole lot more in my life time. These are just the important bits that stand out the most. Perhaps this is just my tired rambling as I'm typing this out on my laptop at 4am. Maybe I'm more perceptive than my mother ever hoped I could be. Whatever the case may be, the internet has surely educated me in many ways.

 Has the internet taught you anything today?

I'm awake, I swear I'm awake.... *snores*

  Thanksgiving was lovely. If you discount the fact that I was too exhausted to walk after everyone left, it was good.

 If you discount the fact that my dear mother tried to kill me, it was awesome. 
I mean it. She tried to kill me. I'm still trying to figure out what kind of person loads the dishwasher with EVERY sharp object pointing up. There I was, loading the dishwasher, not thinking about it too much because I was tired.... and then.... she STABBED me. Not literally of course, because she had already gone home, but I know she meant to do it. I was putting a spoon in the silverware part when got stabbed in the meaty part of my palm (below my thumb). It probably wouldn't have been so bad if the blade of the steak knife hadn't gone under my thumb ring and stabbed me, but because it did I couldn't get the sucker out from under the ring without cutting myself more. That's right around the time that I looked down and realized that I could have died.

 I'm sure you think I'm exaggerating, but imagine how you would feel when you looked down and realized that there were 12 knives sticking blade up in your dishwasher, and every single one seemed placed for maximum damage. All I had to do was trip and I'd have had a blade through most of my organs. Thanks mom. Happy Thanksgiving to you too. >.>

 Hope everyone else had a great Thanksgiving. <3 

Weekend! Yay!

  So.... its the weekend. Finally. 
I love my weekends. I literally do nothing. I sit like a lump and complain if anyone asks me to do anything that even remotely sounds like work or chores. And I usually pity the fool that asks for a weekend ANYTHING, because if you're ruining my Saturday, I'm not being polite about your opinions on what colored furniture you should have in your basement.

I finally finished my order for Shutterfly at 5am. I decided to buy photobooks for a few people and order my Christmas cards. I got some prints too, but at 5am, I can't be very sure that I ordered anything more than the same print over and over. Oh well. I'll share my 2 favorite pictures of my children. One is because they're insane, and the other is evidence that I'm not the one abusing them :/

  And of course, I included these pictures on my Christmas cards. I'm not one to claim my children are anything other than the mean, hateful, abusive kids that they are. A very good example is what my son and daughter did this morning. I woke up at 10 am to Jacob beating Morgan with a PS3 controller, and of course Morgan has to get even, so 10 minutes later she junk punched him when he walked out of his bedroom. Gotta love them kids xD


At least I have my Saturday. Tomorrow I'm obligated to actually do things. I have to do shopping for Thanksgiving dinner. I've been putting it off, but I've decided to finally do it. Don't get me wrong, I'd tell my family they're having Ramen for Thanksgiving and they'd probably just shut up and like it. I just don't like Ramen.


I'm thinking that its a Subway night. I don't like cook on Saturday, so we usually eat whatever leftovers we can find or we order something or I toss something in a pot and pretend like its a meal. Subway sounds good. I'm a little upset that they don't have the $5 foot longs around here anymore (Go team Chuck? xD). But I like Subway, and thus we shall have it. Because I said so.

A new day, a new layout

   Finally finished the layout. Its nothing fancy, but it suits me. Not quite sure why I decided on a Bleach theme, but I like it. Hopefully it is easy to navigate and read. I'll be getting the rest of the pages up soon. If anyone reads this and has a tip, leave a comment so I can make my layout more friendly.


   Today was a blah day. I woke up late, so we had to rush, and then I spilled coffee all over myself. Although, the highlight of the morning was when I stood on my porch in my coffee covered pajamas and screeched at the bus driver. 

   I hate my kids' bus driver. There has never been a meaner, more nit picking bus driver on the planet. Now, I realize that my kids are far from perfect, but if you're going to try to kick one of my kids off the bus for looking behind them, you probably deserve to be screeched at. 

   My son, Jacob sits in the back of the bus. He brought me home a letter yesterday saying that his behavior was up for review and he may get kicked off the bus. The list of offenses included: "Looking over shoulder when asked to stop repeatedly", and "Getting an attitude and being disrespectful when written up". To be fair, I made sure of the facts before I got angry (I called the bus aid). Jacob was on his butt in his seat, and he wasn't actually causing any trouble. Who are you to govern where my child looks. lady? And what harm comes to a child looking out the rear bus window? Once I was sufficiently upset, I sat down and had a talk with my son. I asked him to give his bus driver a message for me.... mostly my son just said "I can't say that mom!", but after the offer of pizza as a reward, he agreed to tell his bus driver my message. 


   Call me a bad parent if you'd like, but I took great satisfaction in seeing the look on the bus driver's face when my son stood at the curb and told her very loudly "My mom says she's going to kick your ass if you don't stop being mean to me and my sister for no reason!" The woman looked like she peed all over herself. Then she had the nerve to start yelling at me about how he was never permitted to ride the bus again because "cursing on the bus" is against the rules..... 
This is the part where I ended up screeching on my porch in my pajamas. My son had not been on the bus when he cursed. He was actually in my front yard, so the rule doesn't really apply. Take that, you mean bus driver! 

   AND I get pizza for supper! xD 


   Normally, I wouldn't react this way, but my kids have had the same bus driver since they started school (Jacob is 10, and my daughter Morgan is 8) and this lady has always had a problem with my kids. I remember incidents last year where she would take things away from my daughter and refuse to give them back. Once thing that sticks out in my mind was a rock. My daughter is a dedicated artist and she loves making things. This particular rock was one of several that she has on her dresser. She searched high and low for the smoothest, roundest rocks, and then she painted them to look like lady bugs. She was taking one in to school for show-and-tell that day, and the bus driver decided that she must have "stolen" it. Even though my daughter's name is on the bottom of this rock, the bus driver confiscates it and writes my daughter up for stealing someone else's property. I'm very sure there are tons of kids that paint lady bugs on rocks by the name of Morgan that ride that bus, right? <insert eye roll> I just don't have the patience to deal with people like that.


   Welcome to my life.

Day One

 So, I'm writing a blog. I'm not sure if I even care if people read this or not, I just think it will be nice to keep some sort of record of life around here. I'm not quite finished with the design, so please don't take this as the final product, its just what looks pretty for now. I need to find a Kris-ish background that makes it easier to read.
If you're reading this.... there is no turning back. 
Like s'rsly, yo.

One of the things you'll discover is that not only am I twisted, but those around me have twisted me. I swear I was normal once, but since meeting my husband, I've somehow turned into a degenerate, perverted shell of the bucket of sunshine that I used to be. 

So. Onward to the blogging. 

As I danced around my living room today (pretending to dust), several thoughts occurred to me. Thought number one was I am a hell of a dancer. Thought number two was along the lines of "where did the dog come from?". Shortly after my second thought, I was on the floor. 
To explain, I'm the proud mother of a female Boxer. Her name is Rukia. She also happens to be the neediest, clingiest dog known to man. If you need to use the bathroom, she will literally whine until you come back. I can't get out of bed without stepping on the poor dog. Anyway, I stepped on the dog..... I know. I'm terrible... But I can't take all the blame. What kind of dog stands under someone that is dancing around like a drunken stripper?
 As I lay sprawled out on the floor, cursing, I realize that my "accident" has been witnessed. My new mailman was evidently in the process of searching for my mailbox to cram my mail into when I fell, and he had a perfect view of what happened.... It was officially the first time I've ever seen a mailman laugh. Stupid dog.


To add to my day, my mailman brought me goodies. I love my mail. I get great stuff in my mail. Like, awesome stuff. Today, Todd's cell phone case finally came. Todd would be my spouse. Because I'm such a nice wife, I ordered a fitted cell phone case for his Omnia 2 in a really pretty blue color.... his favorite color. Imagine my surprise when he broke it within five minutes of having it in his possession. Go figure. 


I suppose that's it for now because I have to load the dishwasher and do the other menial housework that everyone hates to do. I'm sure I'll have more to say later or another day.